What Child Sexual Offenders Tell Us About How to Attract Children

British child psychologist Michele Elliott and colleagues interviewed 91 child sexual offenders in prisons, community treatment centers, hospitals and prisons. All had been convicted of “hands-on” assaults against children under 8 years of age that included rape, sodomy, indecent assault, and unlawful intercourse, and all had received therapy. Each offender was given a semi-structured interview of up to three hours and were told that the purpose was to obtain information that might prove helpful in offender treatment, prevention programs and police investigations. The interviews were designed to gather information about:

• how they selected vulnerable children
• how they found and approached their victims
• where the abuse occurred
• which strategies for finding victims were the most and least effective
• whether and if so, how, they prepared children for the abuse (for example with alcohol, pornography, etc)
• what their first move was and what they did if the child showed fear or resistance
• how they prevented disclosure and encouraged secrecy
• the offenders’ own feelings and concerns about the abuse and the child
• ideas they might have about how to prevent other children from becoming abused

Characteristics of Offenders

34 percent chose children they hadn’t known, 34 percent were acquainted with the children and 32 percent were parents.

In terms of choosing their victims, the largest percent, 49 percent, chose children who seemed to lack confidence and self-esteem. “You can spot the child who is unsure of himself and target him with compliments and positive attention,” said one offender. This 49 percent figure resonates with a study of sociopaths (though of course not all child sexual abusers are sociopaths), in which Wilson, Demetrioff and Porter found that sociopaths, when recalling their victims or choosing potential victims, operate on a kind of unconscious “predatory memory.” Men were shown a series of photographs of women’s faces. Each face was happy, sad or scared and a brief biography accompanied each photo. Some of the biographies depicted a successful woman and some unsuccessful, and each woman had a name. The men were also given a scale that rated their sociopathic tendencies. When asked which photographs and facts they remembered, men who scored higher on the sociopathy scale were significantly more likely than the men who scored lower on sociopathy to recall the unsuccessful women who looked vulnerable. Significantly, these men could recall details from the unsuccessful women’s biographies but had poor recall of their names.

Two-thirds of the offenders reported that personal stress precipitated their abuse, and 49 percent said that subsequent abuse was also fueled by fantasies of previous victims. 2 percent reported that drugs or alcohol helped disinhibit them, and 21 percent were disinhibited by pornography.

49 percent said they saw no distress in the victim. (While that may suggest that sexual abusers feel no empathy for their victims, see article #9 on Susan Clancy in this course). When they did notice distress, only 51 percent reported feeling uncomfortable with their victim’s distress.

How and Where Victims are Recruited

61 percent of the offenders abused the children in the offender’s home, 49 percent in the child’s home and 44 percent outdoors, with the rest of the abuse taking place in the homes of offenders’ friends, in cars, or in the vicinity of the offender’s home.

46 percent of the offenders said they had a “special relationship” with the victim, and this also fits the fact that most child abuse is committed by people who already know the child. In addition, 42 percent of the men chose their victim because the child was “pretty,” and 27 percent because of the way the child was dressed. 17 percent chose the victim because the child was young or small and 13 percent because the child seemed innocent or trusting. 68 percent recruited the child in a public place or in the child’s home. 18 percent had their victims recruit other children and 14 percent recruited their victims because the child approached the offender first–facts which underline the importance of widespread education of children about potentially dangerous signs of predatory behavior.

53 percent used play or teaching activities to entice the child, and 48 percent through official or unofficial babysitting. The most frequently repeated warning to children–not to accept gifts or candy from strangers–doesn’t address the most frequent recruitment tactic: 43 offered a bribe, an outing or a lift home. 30 percent said they used affection, understanding or love to draw the child in, and a surprising 20 percent gained the trust of the entire family.

The First Move

By far, genital touching and kissing constituted the first move (40 percent), followed by 32 percent of the offenders asking the child to get undressed or lie down. 28 percent slowly desensitized the child with talk about sex. During the first sexual contact, 49 percent continued to talk about sex, 47 percent used “accidental” touches and 46 percent offered briberies and gifts, while 44 percent used coercion and persuasion. If the child showed fear or resistance, an overwhelming 61 percent stopped–and then started again. 39 percent resorted to violence or threats.

Offenders’ Recommendations to Help Protect Children

Perhaps the most difficult road to navigate in proactively protecting children from sexual abuse is finding that path between educating them about dangers while not creating such fear that they grow up not trusting anyone or seeing “abuse” in innocent situations. (See article ). Thus, prevention tips and programs should emphasize not only danger signs but empowering protection tips and, above all, open communication about their bodies and sexuality. Parents and teachers who teach prevention from a fear-based approach and from admonitions which convey that bodies are traps and that sexuality is dangerous and “bad,” are more likely to create fearful children.

CHILDREN:

• need a guidebook which warns them what to watch out for. “Kids are easy to trick when they don’t have a clue about what I’m trying to do,” said one offender.
• should be told that not everyone is trustworthy.
• should be encouraged to tell if anyone says anything strange, offers a gift, “accidentally” touches them, or plays “secret” games.
• should be taught when they go into public bathrooms to run out immediately if anyone offers to help them zip or unzip their pants or “help” with their clothes. Most of the times in public bathrooms, says one offender, when he touches them, they’re too embarrassed to shout or run.
• The easiest time to approach children is when they’re walking to or from school alone.
• If they feel they’re being followed they should knock on the first door they come to.
• should be encouraged to tell if a relative is abusing them. “Don’t pretend that nothing is happening and hide it from everyone. It will only get worse,” says an offender.
• Because over 90 percent of abusers operate alone, children should be wary if any single strange adult approaches them.

PARENTS:

• “Watch out for someone who offers to take your kids on vacation or offers to watch your child so you can take a break.”
• “Beware of the over-affectionate or over-loving type people–they can be dangerous.”
• “Parents are so naive. They’re worried about strangers when they should be worried about relatives. They don’t realize how devious we can be. I used to abuse children in the same room with their parents.”
• “Know that we will use any way we can to get to children.” One disabled person spent months grooming parents so they would tell their child to go with him and help him.
• Tell children they never need to keep secrets or feel they’re to blame if someone touches them or they touch someone else. “Secrecy and blame were my best [allies],” said one offender. Openness and a no-secrets attitude are the best antidotes to the shame that is an ideal breeding ground for continued abuse.
• Teach children about sex. Sexual “education” is a common tool of offenders.
• Tell children they have rights and don’t have to be with someone if they don’t want to.
• Have open family discussions about abuse.
• Be alert for children’s behavior changes.
• “Kids who feel unloved or not appreciated were the easiest to abuse. They needed the love I gave them.”

TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS SHOULD:

• Have children role play. “It’s no good just lecturing to kids. Have them run and yell so they’ll know automatically what to do,” says an offender.
• Have prevention programs. “In the same way we groom kids to be victims, we should train them to tell automatically,” says an offender.
• Don’t over-emphasize stranger danger and stereotypes. Most abusers come on so unthreateningly that they don’t feel like the kinds of strangers children are taught to fear.
• Believe children who say they’re being abused.
• Teach sex education.
• Begin prevention at the age of 3 and continue until 16 years of age.

Finally, the offenders in Elliott et. al. warn against following some advice in prevention manuals and programs. Children should never tell an abuser they are going to tell on them. Once the abuse has begun, Elliott says, children may be better off going through with it this one time, until they can safely get away. After all, 39 percent of the offenders said that they would have been willing, or did, use force. “Children need to know,” says Elliott, that shouting, ‘No!’ can be used when they are not alone with the offender or when they are first approached, and that they should always tell, but not say this to the offender.”

 
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