Sexual Experiences of 15 Trans Individuals

Harper Tobin Honors Thesis in Sociology April 2003

Copyright by Harper Tobin. Posted by permission. Originally posted at http://www.geocities.com/harperjeantobin/thesis/index.html

 

Introduction

Above I have discussed the methodological shortcomings of past research on trans sexuality: the limitations of the clinical setting, assumptions of pathology, unrepresentative samples, lack of in-depth information about sexual behavior. An ideal sociological study of the subject, then, would a) be larger and more representative than previous studies; 2) collect detailed information about transgenders’ and transsexuals’ sexual orientations, sexual practices and feelings about sexuality; and 3) eschew rigid assumptions about gender variant individuals and reflect the diversity of identities and experiences among transgenders and transsexuals. Initially the present study was intended to set a modest example in all three of these areas; as will be discussed below, it succeeded in the latter two but not the first. This small study shows, within a self-selected population of relatively educated and privileged trans individuals, a broad range of sexual identities, practices and attitudes about the sexual body.

Methods

Respondents were sought through announcements on trans-related webpages and Internet discussion groups, letters sent to support groups throughout the country, and word of mouth, to complete the Transgender and Transsexual Sexual Experiences Survey. The survey was designed to examine the sexual behaviors of transgenders and transsexuals as restrictively defined in Part I, “Scope”. The survey acquired general demographic information as well background information about participants’ sex, gender identity and sexual orientation and their transition processes. In distinction to most studies which have simply categorized participants into “FTM” or “MTF,” and sometimes sub-classified into hetero- or homosexual, the survey was designed to allow participants to identify their identity and orientation in their own words so as not to obscure the actual diversity among trans individuals as well as the ways that these things may change and develop over time. While acknowledging this diversity, individual responses were grouped into shorthand categories of MTF and FTM, straight, gay and bisexual. The second section of the survey consists of data on sexual acts experienced before and after starting HRT, as well as about masturbation, frequency of orgasm, and overall sexual satisfaction. It inquired about a range of specific acts, and number of partners with whom acts were performed, in order to investigate not only how sexually active individuals were, but which acts might be preferred and which avoided, and whether these would change after initiating HRT. The final section of the survey supplements this quantitative data with qualitative data about sexual experiences, as well as seeking feedback about the survey itself.

In order to focus on the experiences of physical transition and sexual life with a changed, “transgendered” body, participants were initially sought who had not undergone genital surgery, but who had been on hormone replacement therapy for six months or more. This limitation was also intended to keep to a manageable size what I hoped to be a very sizeable response; given my limited resources, this turned out not to be the case (for discussion, see Appendix B). A few surveys were received from trans-identified individuals who had not (yet) begun HRT, and these were also included in the study.

Demographics of the Sample

Twelve completed surveys were collected from the original research population, as well as three from trans individuals who had not undergone six months or more or HRT, but intended to do so, for a total of fifteen respondents. The sample consists mostly of well-educated white professionals (see Table 1). Respondents ranged in age from 19 to 51, with the mean age being 32.5. Thirteen respondents identified themselves as “white,” while one identified as “3/4 white, 1/4 Japanese,” and another answered “n/a” for racial/ethnic background. Occupations of respondents included systems administrator, writer, engineer, and legal assistant, as well as two college students, one graduate student, one assembly line worker, and one person on disability income.

Findings

Gender, Sex, and Sexual Orientation

While I separated respondents into simple categories of sex, gender and sexual orientation (see Table 2), in their own words they articulate evolving notions of their gender identity, and complex, unconventional notions of sex. In the simplest terms, nine participants were born female and transitioned to live as male, while six were born male and transitioned to live as female — and while this is of course a nonrepresentative sample, it is interesting that it so departs from the old clinical wisdom that MTFs far outnumbered FTMs.

Responses to the prompt “Please briefly describe your gender identity, both presently and in the past,” ranged from very terse –e.g., “Past: Female/Male; Present: F2M” — to detailed timelines, such as

I was born male and identified as such until about the age of 11-12, when I first consciously became aware of my desire to be female. From 11 to the age of 30, I saw myself as a male crossdresser. From 30-31, I saw myself as bi-gendered until finally (age 32) I decided to transition. Since that point, I have identified as female.

On the whole, these responses suggested a complex evolution of gender identity over a lifetime, starting from some realization of “difference”; while only some identified the age at which they had first felt different in terms of gender, it seems that for some it was childhood, for some adolescence, and for some young adulthood. Some identified at present as definitely male or female; others identified with the terms FTM and MTF. For three respondents, an articulation of gender identity that challenged the gender binary — “bi-gendered,” “trans butch dyke” or alternating between “completely genderless,” “genderless dyke” and “boy/boi” — was articulated as a sort of transitional phase in the process of living and identifying firmly as either male or female. Two others have identified as “genderqueer” since physically transitioning; it seems that while they may prefer to pass as male and have a more masculine body, their sense of their gender identity may remain more or less outside of the gender binary.

Respondents were all physically at various points on a spectrum between their birth sex and the “opposite sex.” For those respondents on HRT, duration of treatment ranged from six months to six years, with a mean of 2.25 years. Many had undergone or intended to undergo other procedures to alter secondary sex characteristics, such as mastectomy, electrolysis or laser hair removal, hair transplant surgery, and in at least one case each, hysterectomy and orchiectomy (surgical removal of the uterus and of the testes, respectively; these could be considered a form of sex reassignment surgery, but since its effects on sexual functioning are roughly the same as those of long-term hormone therapy in MTFs, I did not consider them forms of SRS for the purposes of the present study). Asked whether they intended to undergo SRS in the future, seven said “yes” (4 FTM, 3 MTF) one said “probably” (MTF), three said “no” or “probably not” (all FTM), two said they simply did not know (1 MTF, 1 FTM), and two did not respond (1 MTF, 1 FTM). Consistent with generalizations in the literature, proportionally more MTFs than FTMs were inclined towards undergoing SRS.

The sexual orientations articulated by respondents were quite varied, with a high proportion (twelve out of fifteen) presently identifying as bi-, pan- or homosexual. Seven respondents said that they had always been attracted primarily to men, primarily to women, or to both. Eight had experienced some change in their sense of their orientation over the course of their life: one was heterosexual (attracted to women) while living as a man, then heterosexual (attracted to men) while living as a woman; five described identifying as monosexual and then subsequently bisexual or pansexual; two described the reverse. While their terminology differed, respondents could be categorized thusly by present orientation: among FTMs, five bi- or pansexual, two homosexual, and two heterosexual; among MTFs, one bisexual, four homosexual, and one heterosexual.

Sexual Practices & Sexual Satisfaction

While the survey did not ask about total lifetime sexual partners, responses to other questions indicate that respondents’ experiences ranged from one or two partners to dozens, with considerable variation in between. Some had experienced only one, two, or several monogamous sexual relationships, while some had engaged in frequent casual sex as well; one respondent specifically mentioned being in a long-term, non-monogamous relationship

While some respondents seem to have been more comfortable with genital sexuality and regularly engaged in sexual acts involving their genitals — receiving oral or manual stimulation, using their penis or vagina for sexual penetration — a few seemed to have eschewed these activities almost entirely, while some seem to have engaged in these activities with markedly fewer partners than activities focused on partners’ genitals.

Fully three-fifths of the participants (7 FTM, 2 MTF) had had at least one sexual partner who was transgender or transsexual in their lifetime, and a few had had several trans partners, ranging from casual sex to committed romantic relationships. Virginia commented:

Being a M2F TS myself, and dating other M2F TG’ers (Both TV and TS) is my preferred relationship choice. I find these relationships very compatible because of the sharing of similar TG interests, commonality of likes and dislikes, and superior sexual knowledge of the other partners needs. It is important to add here that in order to be a successful relationship, both partners must be firmly grounded in their sexuality preferences, understanding of the other partners transitioning goals, and able to accept and support the other partner’s dominant or submissive nature requirements.

Four respondents (3 FTM, 1 MTF) mentioned that BDSM-related practices such as role-playing, flogging, and/or bondage had been a part of their sex life. For Christina, erotic role-playing seems to have played a role not unlike that described by C. Jacob Hale (1997, see above) among some FTMs:

I would say the most influential sexual practices I have engaged in are role-playing experiences. I participated in these with 3 of the women and both of the men I was with. […] In these role-play situations, I would be in the femme role. Sometimes we pretended I was a born woman and sometimes the role-play scenario would involve me undergoing forced feminization. These practices were important for my development as an MTF, because they allowed me to explore and experiment with my femaleness.

Ratings of overall sexual satisfaction prior to beginning HRT varied between 1 (very satisfied) and 5 (very dissatisfied), with a mean of 2.9. Overall satisfaction after beginning HRT was generally rated higher, with a mean of 1.75. (The mean difference in satisfaction was not statistically significant.) Seven of the twelve respondents on HRT reported an increase in overall satisfaction; one reported a decrease; four reported no change.

Some mentioned specifically that, especially pre-transition, sexual dissatisfaction stemmed from discomfort with their body, especially their genitals — or at least that sexual satisfaction depended on working around such discomfort. Christina and Elizabeth both mentioned, before undergoing HRT, having to “imagine myself as female” (i.e. having breasts, vagina, etc.) in order to experience genital pleasure or reach orgasm, an experience reported frequently in the literature. Christina, however, explained that she had been fairly comfortable with “the part that involved me making love to [a partner’s] body,” an experience echoed by Tristan and Travis in somewhat different terms:

I enjoyed being a top but rarely did it work for me to be a bottom.

As a dyke, I was a bit more of a “stone butch” and didn’t receive sexual attention as much as I gave it, but at the time I didn’t mind.

For James, sexual dissatisfaction was related not so much to his own relationship with his body, but rather to the perceptions of others:

My only dissatisfaction with my sex life was the way my partners were relating to me. I wanted them to treat me like a man, but they could only see a woman in bed.

Conversely, Mark reported that finding a sexual partner who understood and validated his identity (and didn’t see any contradiction between that identity and his body) helped him open up to a wider range of sexual activities and greater satisfaction.

As expected, undergoing hormone replacement therapy led to significant changes in the sex lives of respondents; several experienced it as in one way or another sexually liberating. James noted that his interest in dating had resurfaced. Tristan now found sex “more emotionally satisfying.” A few described specifically how feeling more comfortable with their altered body enabled them to enjoy a greater variety of sexual activities, particularly those involving receiving genital stimulation, as these comments illustrate.

I find that being more comfortable with my body has allowed me to open up my spectrum of possibilities. I feel more comfortable doing almost anything in bed.

I’m more of a bottom — I think more about being fucked and people making me feel good — before I always fixated on my partner. I like my body more, so I like when my partner likes it too.

Others mentioned simply feeling happier, more confident, and more in control of their lives in general, and that this improved their sex life markedly.

None of the MTF respondents mentioned dissatisfaction related to decreased ability to achieve and maintain erections, although two mentioned experiencing this typical effect of MTF hormone therapy.

Jennifer reported that she since beginning HRT,

I don’t have a sex life beyond masturbation. [This change was] due to not wanting to use my “wrong” genitalia for sex – and – not wanting to involve myself with anyone so soon after making all my changes. I like my body and the direction I’m going in with changing it.

Indeed, this respondent rated her sexual satisfaction as moderate (3) at present, as opposed to very low (5) before HRT.

It appeared that younger respondents engaged in more varied sexual practices, felt more comfortable being sexual with their genitals and experienced slightly greater overall sexual satisfaction, especially post-HRT. While these apparent associations with age are congruent with my expectations, they are confounded by the fact that (curiously) all of the FTM respondents were younger than all of the MTF respondents.

The same confound makes it difficult to interpret the responses for frequency of masturbation. Among the women, frequency of masturbation either stayed about the same (n=2) or decreased (n=4). Among the men, on the other hand, frequency either stayed about the same (n=4) or increased (n=3). (Overall, there was a mean decrease of .09 in masturbation frequency, but this result was not statistically significant.) A simple (and biologically reductionist) explanation for this is decreased sex drive and erectile function due to estrogen and anti-androgens on the one hand, and increased libido due to testosterone on the other. Age could also be a factor here, as could personality traits related to gender identity. Also complicating any generalization about the relative sex drives of trans men and women is the fact that the two respondents who answered “never” were both FTM, one pre-HRT and one post-HRT.

Factors Affecting Sexual Self-Acceptance: A Case in Point

Mark, a college student who had not undergone HRT, appended a detailed personal narrative that illustrates various factors that may impact trans individuals’ sexual activity preferences and sexual satisfaction. (See Footnote 1) Though Mark had taken pleasure in masturbation as a child, it seems that by young adulthood he had, like most FTMs, developed a certain anxiety about his genitals; after all, he saw himself as a boy, and “boys don’t have cunts.”

I got my first ideas of tranny sex from [Leslie Feinberg’s autobiographical novel] Stone Butch Blues…. I figured to be a good tranny boy, a faithful butch, I should be stone. Never let anyone in…. To some extent I wasn’t a very good stone butch. I liked orgasms too much, craved them really, if only as a way to find connection to myself. But so often I would panic to find myself being touched. Sometimes even the pressure of a well-meaning thigh against my boxer shorts was enough to send me into a panic, make me turn away, curl around…. I needed layers between me and my lover. Needed to be safe. To keep my body, and especially my crotch safely hidden away.

Time passed, and I grew bolder. I grew nuder, at least, let her hand pleasure me, learned not to panic when her bare skin brushed the hair down there…but there was always a sense of urgency to it…. The routine suited me. I had my body figured out. Some nice, light external stimulation, some teasing when I was feeling frisky. I could come with my knees together, and I usually did. Penetration was not even in my vocabulary.

Until you entered the picture, six months later.

…I had a new group of trans friends. Sex positive, polyamorous, into leather. I’d been through enough experimentation to lose some of my sexual hang-ups. I could come, no problem. I had played with pain, with group sex, with submission…but sex was still the same. Your hand, my crotch, knees practically together. External. That damn hole never did anything but bleed and embarrass me. Boys don’t have cunts…I sure as hell wasn’t about to challenge that idea.

Until you came along.

I don’t know what it is about you that made me so comfortable so quickly. Maybe it was me, that six months of healing helped me more than I could tell. Maybe it was my new sex positive environment, all the radical trannies who liked to get fucked, who bragged about the “extra tranny hole.” Maybe it was that after a slew of penetration-happy female-bodied lovers, I wanted to see what the fuss was about. Or maybe it was just your unjudgemental eyes, hands, mouth, heart… “You are a boy,” you said to me once, “So you have a boy body.” It was always so simple to you. I’m still trying to catch up with you on the self-evidence of that fact.

I don’t even remember how it happened. But one day, your teasing, gloved, lubed finger slid lower than usual and I didn’t want you to stop. So I asked you, politely, with my eyes, my noises, maybe even a cautious word, to continue. And your finger slid in, gently, slowly, softly…. That night I learned what the fuss is about. You slipped past my layers of protection, my fear, my butchness, my worries about society and the world, my idea of what boy means, and found that oh-so-good spot within. And I came for you, you let me come, fucked me for hours until I couldn’t speak, couldn’t see.

And now I’m addicted to you, to you inside me. I spread my legs eagerly. I beg, I love it. I brag about how many fingers I can take, how big a cock. I found my extra tranny hole, and my world changed.

I love this silly body I was born with…. It’s a boy’s body, because I’m a boy. And I love what it can do.

The cultural messages that cunt equals not-male was reinforced by a lack of evidence to the contrary. Feinberg’s novel provided a model of trans sexuality that matched those cultural assumptions: you can be female-bodied and still assert a masculine identity so long as you ignore your body. While this model apparently did not well suit Mark’s own desires, it resonated with the dominant cultural logic — and equally important, there were at that time no alternative models available to him.

Developing friendships with other FTMs who had very different ideas about sex provided him with such alternatives, but it was only with the right partner — one who accepted without hesitation the identity and body that had seemed so contradictory — that he found himself able to extend his sexual exploration to vaginal penetration without experiencing his previous anxiety. Now, unbound by traditional notions of male anatomy and sexuality, Mark articulates a sense of great relief and satisfaction.

Limitations of the Study and Suggestions for Future Research

The sample was far from representative for a number of reasons. As discussed above, respondents were preponderantly white and well educated. Perhaps even more significantly, such a self-selected sample is bound to include people who are more comfortable talking about sexual matters, and may even be biased towards more sexually satisfied and more sexually adventurous individuals. Unfortunately, the quantitative data collected in this study means very little with such a small, self-selected sample.

Ideally, the same data could be collected from a larger, more representative group of respondents. One area of interest would be possible relationships between duration of HRT, and intention to undergo SRS, and such variables as overall sexual satisfaction, frequency of sexual activity, and subjective importance of sexuality in one’s life. Another would be statistically significant trends in changes in sexual practices engaged in before and after beginning HRT. Statistics on sexual orientation would be of interest, as would statistics on the prevalence of sexual relations between trans individuals. Such data might help social scientists and helping professionals better understand the sexual diversity of trans populations, inform improved sexual health education efforts among these populations, and aid helping professionals and individuals considering physical transition in gauging some of the pros and cons of hormone therapy.

The operationalization of “sexual practices” used in this study — numbers of partners with whom one has engaged in a variety of particular practices — was intended to improve upon a simple inventory of practices respondents had ever engaged in, by providing some gauge for relative sexual preferences. Given that some respondents did not follow the rather complicated instructions properly, and that some respondents had many sexual partners while others had only one or two, a better method might be an inventory of practices ever engaged in, supplemented with ratings of preference or enjoyment for each practice.

Conclusions

Despite these limitations, what this study does suggest is that sexual orientations, sexual practices and feelings about the sexual body vary among trans individuals to a much greater degree than has been suggested in most of the literature — especially the psychological literature — to date. Trans men and women run the gamut from very sexually active to decidedly celibate, from very comfortable to very uncomfortable with their bodies in the bedroom, and all across the Kinsey scale. In other words, our sexual feelings and practices are as varied as everybody else’s.

It is quite possible, indeed probable, that such diversity could not have been found in a small sample of trans individuals a generation or two ago. Young trans people have more access than their forebears to images of trans people in popular culture, a diverse array of narratives by other trans people, supportive trans social networks, and unconventional models of trans identity and sexuality. Just as such factors seem to be leading to increasing numbers of trans people coming out and transitioning in adolescence and young adulthood (rather than middle age as was most common a generation ago), it would not be at all surprising that they should also lead to a broader range of sexual attitudes and practices. It remains for future research to explore this hypothesis more directly.

1- The following text also became a monologue in the soon-to-be-published performance The Naked I: Monologues from Beyond the Binary, collected and directed by Tobias K. Davis at Smith College, March 2003.